these days...

these days I am learning to appreciate what I have, to love my work and be grateful for the fact that I have them. Although there are still days when getting out of bed to go to work is just too much damn work, most days, my good side wins.

W tells me she's envious of the fact that I seem to have so many options, as I told her of my potential training opportunities and the fact that work at NL for the first time, seems to be going well. Me, I'm a little paranoid about how well life is going. I fear that the other shoe might drop any day and I might find myself with nothing. I'm also scared of the fact that I seem to accept these things as proper, due to me, owed even. Like the universe finally gets it. That I am being given these opportunities because I deserve them, because I am good. But believing in your own press? that could be bad, could allow you to relax, to be lazy. I need to gain perspective, and the people who help me gain perspective are miles away, or in the case of my dad, up in heaven. Then my friend J sent me an email, outlining how she has given up on her dreams and following up on a new one, despite the lack of support from her family, and the more I feel that I should be grateful for what I have. Because despite the fact that I have continually disappointed her for not sitting for THAT exams, my mother has not turned on me, nor has she turned her back on me.

But as I said, I still feel paranoid, some days I still feel, the other shoe, its hovering, and when it does, I'm never going to know what hit me. But on most days, I feel cautiously optimistic about it all. I hope it lasts, I really, really do.

baby you're on your way

Today my baby sister is leaving for medical school and for the first time in forever, I will not be sharing an apartment with one of my sisters. I still can't quite believe time has flown by so fast that my little sister, that cute toddler I would take with me to school on weekends when I had to work on a project with my friends in high school, that little girl I used to take to school and attend parents meetings for, is now a young woman going off to study medicine. I can't be more proud of her. But I'll certainly miss her. Take care and Godspeed Pots, see ya on the flipside!