Friday, January 8, 2010

A Kindness


Where did we stop? In dead summer, that is
male, yellow. You stripped into that glare
of live gold.
It was like living in gold to try to touch you.
It was as if you were day.

None of this is true, but will you
let me have it, imaginary?

The laugh, the confidence, the symmetrical clean
body capable of itself, so being body
as to be naked even to the hands. Will you give me that?

Because, even if it is not true, I need
something now to look back to, in order to say,
I have been sudden in the sun’s perfection,
I have had blood rise like light,
my hands have answered,
my memory is a bush of grown flame.

It is a kindness you can do me, to have been there
at the center of summer, yourself the attack of summer,
and to have made all that light out of being young.

I need to have loved you. I need to have told you so.

William Dickey


and there it was, the proof I was looking for. We never were, and we will never be, but I did fall in love with you and I am over you. I spoke with someone we both know today; it was rather unexpected but welcome nonetheless. I was told you are now back in that place I believe is home to you, with your new (ish) son. And unsurprisingly, it did not hurt, not at all, unlike that invitation two years ago. I'm happy for you really.