Wednesday, January 21, 2009

i think therefore...

The truth is that my life is not that bad, the truth is that most days I am a whingy, bratty, selfish, self-involved person and I complain and complain about the way my life is going without doing anything about it. I lose touch with old friends then feel a twinge of envy when I learn of how they have kept in touch with each other. I don't really know, I guess I have faulty people relating skills or it is because I have become too self-involved as I grew older ( but apparently not mature) that I have somehow convinced myself that I deserve more than what I have. And maybe I do, because I believe we all do. To want the life, the things we want, to be able to reach for them, to dream of them, we are allowed. But I admit, in the last few days I have realized that what I have will have to suffice.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

this song means an entire city to me...

There was this song I listened to constantly that year. I was far away from home for the first time and had felt decidedly overwhelmed and homesick and the song reminded me of home. That song was the leitmotif to those days, imbuing it somehow with a hue all its own. In the midst of it all, I was unaware that you were already claiming a stake in my heart until the song became intertwined with you in my head. When I came home, I would only have to hear the song and you would inevitably occupy my mind. But now, two years on, whatever tenuous claim you had staked in my heart has started to loosen. Yesterday I heard the song again and you were no longer the first thing that came to my mind. It has started to become just another song again, a good one still, but no longer one invested with memories and thoughts of what have been and what could have been. Time has done its work quite well, blunting the edges so they no longer cut and rendering the memories hazy. I am finally getting over you. Truly.

* post title from another drawing of kurt halsey