Tuesday, August 5, 2008

we are such terrible creatures, selfish and insecure

I have no illusions about my character, I know that I can be selfish, and petty, and mean, and secretive. I have too little patience and are too prone to bursts of temper. And you know, I don't know if I can change, some days, I even don't know if I want to.

Maybe that's why I don't have too many friends or why I never try to keep in touch really, except for the perfunctory hi or hello once in a while. I'm going to tell you one more thing about me. You know why I never open up to my friends, why I manage to convince every one that everything is peachy keen in planet Me? Because I view information as ammunition. This is why I am a good listener. Because I like to feel needed, and I store up that information so I can use it later. Because what I need is to hold something against you, because then if you go away, I wouldn't be crushed. This is also why I don't open up too much to others, why I don't readily share this blog with people who know me in real life, because I am afraid that I will be judged, that as I said in an earlier post, they'll find out who I really am, and they won't like what they see because god knows some day even I don't like me.

*the title of the post comes a drawing of Kurt Halsey's

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